Whip information

Hello friends,

I am telling you about whips!

Reader Steven P wanted to know about whips!

When I was saying all about leather I can't believe I forgot whips wow. Basically whips is like if a regular piece of string became unbelievably rude. I suppose a whip just on its own is neutral but theres not very many polite ways to use one I don't think. I think it's fair to call it a weapon?

The situation is usually you got a handle part and then a like a long leather rope and what you do with it is just hit the absolute shit out of an animal or a person with it. If it's an animal you're hitting with the whip people will be like hey...use a softer whip maybe but with people it's considered very serious. If you were raised in a wonderful place with no ongoing or historical atrocities, first off congratulations on being the first quokka to learn to read we're all very proud of you, second you might be wondering how serious a whip can be when it is the only weapon made out of the same stuff as a rock musician's pants. Well it can actually be quite bad! I don't understand the physics of it too much but it really like picks up speed and momentum when somebody hits you with one of these and it can range from like it stings very badly to like you are getting gouged as if by a big leather knife. So it's like a lot worse than being hit by pants for SURE.

"is there a reason to use a whip other than simply inflicting pain and torture upon a other living creature"

Well there's pretty much just two:

MAKING ANOTHER CREATURE MOVE FASTER

So with this one you got like a captive human being or a horse or something and they are doing something for you and you hit them with the whip so that they fear the pain of the whip and then in the future you can use the fear of that pain to kind of move the whip around at them or hit them with the whip more so that they'll do stuff faster or more in whatever way keeps them getting hit. "What why would you do that" man I can't even begin to tell you what possesses a person to think they get to do this type shit other than we used to be apes and those guys will tear somebody's face off because they heard a noise. "Many of us are cruel and beastly" is of course a terrible excuse but I don't got a better one.

PLAYING AROUND

Okay so the other way you can use a whip is just as like a fun toy which is crazy because it's used in such an evil way in the main but you can learn like really cool tricks that you can do with it like whipping a beer bottle from a distance in a way where just the cap comes off and everybody is very impressed you can control such a wild object with precision like that. You can also whip other people in ways that are cool for them sexually, I imagine you've got to be incredibly good at using the whip to do this safely or using like a specially made really soft whip? If you got a sex thing about wanting to be whipped it probably behooves you to make sure the person doing the whipping is like, very physically precise. Like I'm not trying to control other people's sexuality but I imagine if you're so horned up about being whipped that you get a whip from the sex store your fantasy doesn't involve them whipping you so hard it immediately makes you bleed but in doing so they drop the whip and the handle kind of bounces off the ground and hits them in the teeth and then you're putting Neosporin all over your back while you look up an emergency dentist for them because they're freaked out and crying even though you are for sure hurt worse. If that's your sex thing I guess cheers for being specific?

There is a third way to have a whip which I would call "Ryland style" because it is the way that I have two whips where basically you bought a mouth guard online 8 years ago and it really made you laugh to add a bullwhip to the order and you figured you would use it later for some kind of comedy thing and you DID get whipped on stage with it once so, purchase justified. From then on you acquire a second, silver whip through circumstances you forget and just kind of keep them around your house as decoration and to occasionally brandish at your friends as a joke, which they are always such babies about even though you have only had one minor weapon slip-up that you maintain wouldn't have happened if Matt Grote hadn't moved. The only person Matt Grote needs to be worried about brandishing a weapon at him, as we have all learned from Matt accidentally stabbing himself in the heart, is Matt Grote (don’t worry, he survived somehow.) Whether the Ryland style of whip ownership is good or evil, who is to say. Probably really good.

There are many different kinds of whips. Sometimes they have thingies on the end to do maximum hurting with or it's like one whip handle with nine whips on it for when you gotta whip loads of guys at once or whip one guy really horribly. This is called a "cat o' nine tails" which I think we can all agree is a bit too cute for this type of thing. In fiction I have seen whips where it's like a ton of little knives linked together but I genuinely don't know if this works practically at all? If it does it's probably extremely difficult to use without injuring yourself very badly.

Oh a fourth way to use whips that I also seen in fiction is you use it to like grab on to stuff, sort of how Spider-Man do with his webs? Like you whip on to a cliff and it wraps around in such a way that you are held a bit? I have no idea if this is possible or real at all and I can guarantee you even if it can be done at least five people have died finding out it's really hard.

Thank you for reading my big whip email! If you would like to find out about something, tell me and I will try to already know about it.

Love,

Ryland Duncan