Jellyfish information

Hello friends,

I am telling you about jellyfish.

Reader Elliot B wanted to know about jellyfish.

Okay so a jellyfish is something insane that happens in the ocean. Some stuff happens in the ocean like fish and we’re like okay that’s your guys’s version of birds or a shark where we’re like okay that’s ocean wolves but then a jellyfish happens and it’s like what the fuck. What are you like why are you like that.

This is a poor description of jellyfish, and will be followed by more. A jellyfish is a big glob of slime that’s just together enough that it don’t slime apart. Sometimes it’s got tendrils and sometimes it’s just globbing around, unlike some ocean guys it’s body only makes sense visually in water. You take it out of the water and it’s just a hazardous wet bump but in the ocean it’s extremely beautiful. It sort of looks like a mushroom but with no density at all? It’s very nice to see. Jellyfish are pretty opposite to apes like us, I don’t think they have eyes and I’m not sure if they even got mouths? If we get into the cosmos we’ll prolly have to work on this, but we basically insist on eyes and mouths in the creatures we deal with. You come at us all saying you navigate the world by sensing vibrations and we Don’t like that.

Now you might be wondering, do we eat jellyfish? Can you have a hoagie with some fried jellyfish in it? And the answer seems to be a truly rare no! You see, a jellyfish wisely makes their whole body out of poison. I don’t know what the poison is but if you touch a jellyfish it basically puts Pain inside you and the conventional wisdom used to be that if this happens somebody is supposed to blast the wound with their hot gray piss but it turns out that is either no longer the best thing to do or it was always a Pervert’s Trick, not sure which. I think some jellyfish if you touch them you get just hurt by having a lot of pain and other jellyfish if they touch you that’s it you fucked game over, Some Slime Ain’t For Touching. You learned too late about not touching slime!

If you want to see a jellyfish you can probably go to your local aquarium, that’s a nice place to see monsters. There’s loads of different kinds and they are all extremely beautiful, I think you can also buy them as pets and it’s like more or less okay to do? So if you go to the aquarium and really like the jellyfish you can go to some kind of exotic fish store and buy a jellyfish and have a beautiful alien inside your house. Will it be sad that it’s not in the ocean? I have no idea, I don’t know if anyone has done research into jellyfish emotions or if we’re just like ew that’s a monster get it away. At a minimum, it’s probably nicer for a jellyfish to be in a house where someone who cares about its welfare tends to it and sends vibrations of affection to it. If you think jellyfish are only okay don’t buy one. It’s probably a bunch of work to take care of them and you can’t ever pet them, it’s bad behavior to make an animal your prisoner if you’re not at the very least going to love it.

Thank you for reading my big jellyfish email! If you would like to find out about something, tell me and I will try to already know about it.

Love,

Ryland Duncan