Color information

Hello friends,

I am telling you about color!

Reader Anna D wanted to know about color.

First off, sorry there were no emails for two weeks. Basically what happened is that I live in New York and it got cold, and something I found out is that it's possible for things to get cold in a way that makes things explode? As a result my whole block lost power for several days. Then the pipes in my building froze and then exploded so the landlord came and smashed my kitchen all apart. I am sure you have all been fine and not shivering in the dark waters of ignorance without my instruction but having an exploded apartment has left me too exhausted to do anything in particular. For any concerned readers don't worry my landlord is putting my kitchen back together with a new countertop that looks like something that a porn director who other porn directors find very tacky would have in their house.

Color is a wonderful thing that I think you only get to really experience if you have or have had the ability to see? Like maybe if you are incredibly good at taste, touch, or smell you might be able to pick up some elements of color but if you were born totally not seeing stuff you probably think of those things in a totally different way to people who can see, if you described how you experience the slight differences red stuff has from other stuff I think probably nobody would guess you were talking about red stuff unless you said like blood or apples or something. Okay sorry I should probably actually say what color is. Basically if you have the ability to see with a human eye, there's a spectrum of visible light and the light has different flavors on it called colors. The colors humans see are different from the colors some other animals see, like some of them have less colors going and some of them might have more? Like we have done more research into colors than falcons have but there might be some shit they see that we just don't really even think about how to know about.

Everything that exists has a color, even when the lights are off. Here are some of the colors you can expect to run into.

RED

This is the Main Color to a lot of people, it is the color of blood and most land animals' raw meat so back in caveman times if you saw red something you for sure cared about was going on and that's kind of carried on to modern times. Other cool stuff is red like a lot of fruit and berries, some flowers like roses, occasionally a really cool animal will be red although usually kind of the small wallaces like snakes and birds. Human society could not handle how fucking excited people would get if there was like, a huge bright red lion. Some of the stuff we decided is good to make red includes lipstick, cars that are serious like firetrucks and the pretty ones zoom around party boys drive, the Devil, and stop signs. Red clothes are especially good to see, they make people excited. Sometimes the excitement is sexual horniness from seeing someone in sexy red clothes or the excitement of seeing Santa Claus, for some people these are the same thing.

BLUE

Along with Red and Yellow, this is one of the Primary Colors which are named that because none of the other colors mix to make them. Blue is extremely good in a different way from red, like red is Violence Thrills Color and blue is like Healing Peace color. The big place where you see blue is the sky, purple WISHES it could get free advertising like that, and sometimes it does so that's nice. Because blue is the color of the sky it's the main color that water usually looks like it is because water is Mirror Color, which we won't be getting into unless you ask. Water is a main thing we need to live so we love blue for being the color we associate with water and when we draw water we often draw it being a little bit blue because why not, it feels blue so why not draw it that way. Some animals are blue but none of the biggies, there's some nice blue plants and almost no blue foods unless you use a science chemical to make them that way which I'm always in favor of. Why not fry up Blue Tofu? It harms no one and helps everyone. The most popular kind of blue clothes is jeans which are a kind of very sturdy pants and other than that I'm kind of lost for an object that's always blue? Like it's often an option, it's not hard to get blue stuff, but its rarely the main one. Blue doesn't ask for your attention like red does because it's comfortable knowing it will get it.

YELLOW

Ahhhhhhhhh, the color of Simpson. This is the color of a bunch of stuff in nature but the main one people see the most often is urine. Ideally your pee actually shouldn't be super yellow but like you are going to see that if you live in the world. We also got yellow fruits like bananas and lemons and gooseberries, a few yellow animals, some Top Flowers like sunflowers and daisies. We often make things yellow as a way of saying HEY! LOOK AT THIS! We use it as a color of reflective safety stripes and caution signs and caution tape and other warnings that people need a quick visual shorthand of knowing to pay attention to a different way from red. You make a sign red and people might be like hmm maybe this is to do with sex or dinner but yellow is All Business in the sign game. Yellow has a darker shade called Gold that when it is shiny and especially metal makes people go wild and insano, they love dark yellow things and will do anything for them! They will straight up kill you in your bed for dark yellow metal.

GREEN
Green is a color made of blue and yellow, even though its kind of a subsidiary it's a really good and important color because it's one of the main colors of plants. I was told once by someone who might have been stupid or a liar that the human eye has evolved to see more shades of green than any other color because of when we was little forest animals a million years ago, telling the difference between different kinds of green was super important for not getting gobbled up by stuff and obviously the less getting gobbled up by monsters you are doing the more getting pregnant you are doing. The color green is immensely pleasing to the human mind and can be very calming. Loads of plants and vegetables are green and millions of lizards and some birds and no dogs. Like blue there's very few manmade things that are Automatically green but it's always cherished as an option. American dollars are SORT of green, they might have been more green in history but not that much now and they were never a good shade. One of the most pleasing green objects made by humans is those lamps with the oblong green glass shade on em? They got em at libraries and stuff sometimes? Those are pleasure city USA for the human eye we went off on that. The main kind of green clothes is army clothes which stinks but you can buy a beautiful green blazer without having to blow up a bunch of little kids, its perfectly legal.

ORANGE

This is red and yellow's daughter. Often it exists as part of a spectrum that goes yellow-orange-red, with yellow being Least thing and red being Most thing while orange is just like okay get ready. Orange is pretty fun, it's the color of fire so we are very impressed by that and we take orange seriously when it's fire but when it's not fire its usually stuff we're not that worried about like citrus fruit and orangutans. People make a lot of safety equipment orange but outside of that orange is mostly a just for fun color. Nobody is ever like okay we are making a big statue of god, get us as many orange bricks as possible, you know?

PINK

This is a lighter shade of red that is considered for fun times and situations. Like if red is hell pink is heck? If red is a wolf pink is a puppy dog. As a result of this in combination with various Attitudes that are in place here where I live in the time where I live pink is considered largely a situation of girls? Technically blue is the boy color but if a girl wears a blue shirt people don't say nothing about it but if a dude wears a pink shirt it might be like Wow Look How Comfortable He Is, Wearing the Woman's Color or people doing weird forms of bigotry about the shirt color just totally pissed off about what the shirt color this guy is wearing means. In nature lots of animals including a fair amount of people have pinkish skin and the insides of salmon is pink but only if they're wild salmon who eat a specific thing if they're from a farm they're naturally gray inside but get fed special pellets to make them pink inside. I learned that, despite everything you've come to accept about me, from a book about sustainability in food that I read. And by read I mean listened to, because the narrator of that audiobook is a scottish lady whose voice really calms me down. The best pink animal is flamingos which is a really funny bird whose legs are too long. The only default pink manmade objects I can think of are erasers and bubblegum? This is a great color and lots of fun so long as you are not in some kind of gender prison about it.

PURPLE

This is blue and red's daughter. This is considered more to do with pink than red sometimes? It's a very fun color and can feel very fancy and decadent. The thing that allows purple to be fancy is that there are basically no manmade objects and very few natural things that are automatically purple, it's the color that is always a choice and it feels amazing for something to have been a decision instead of thrust upon you. In nature you can find purple color on flower and eggplants although those are a very very dark purple most of the time, like nearly black? Only maybe little bugs and things are purple animals, even though if you made a purple rabbit children all over the world would fucking scream and riot begging to pet the purple rabbit. They would tear you apart like pirahnas to get to the purple rabbit and feel how soft and purple it is. One time I vaguely remember hearing about a little girl who was really allergic to purple color stuff, you got her near anything purple and she would get sick as hell? Crazy to remember that objects have physical properties making them the color they are that a person could get sick off of.

BROWN

This is a really popular color, you might know it from trees and the dirt of our good Earth? It is the color of like 85% of mammals including most people? The color of chocolate and coffee? I think you could consider it a sort of quite dark reddish orange but it's really more it's own thing. It's Simply Brown Color, the Color That Is Always Here For Us. A lot of manmade objects are automatically brown simply because that is the color of wood and what are you gonna do, NOT USE WOOD? GET REAL, LOSER! Brown is also the color of a lot of cooked meat and bread and soups so we see brown and we get hungry for wonderful dinners. Make sure your dinner is green color too!!!! A LOT of people forget to make their dinner also green color. It's really important to have 2 to 3, maybe even as many as 9 colors in your dinner.

BLACK

This is the color with all the colors in it that is the darkest shade of everything. It absorbs light so if you want to get really hot in the desert put on a big black coat and you can die from being hot like you want. Loads of stuff in nature is black like skunks and gorillas and rocks and the night sky. Most of the universe is actually black color so it's an extremely popular option. The most popular manmade black object is, by far, ELECTRICAL CORDS!!!! If you are a human being on this earth your life Is 2% a story about touching various electrical cords you are ALWAYS DOING IT! When you see another color of electrical cord you're like hm, does this work slightly worse than the regular black ones? Is this a dilletante's cord? Your various screens are also usually black color when you turn them off so you see it quite a lot that way. Black is sometimes considered like a scary or evil color I guess because it's night time color and we have bone memories of night time being when it's hard to see and therefore easiest to get torn apart by wolves even though we all got flashlights and anti-wolf guns now.

WHITE

This is the color with no colors in it that is the lightest shade of everything. You see white stuff in nature like snow and polar bear and some flowers and the inside of a banana. Lots of manmade objects are white for the reason that white reflects light instead of absorbing it so they want to keep things nice and cool OR it is made just white with the intention you color it in later OR they thought white just looked nice on its own OR they didn't have any ideas. Those last two its often up for debate which one won out? The most popular white object BY FAR is paper! It's great for being a blank thing you can add other stuff to, although this advantage of paper is also a problem of other white stuff which is that it gets dirty and when white stuff gets dirty it gets dirty sort of worse than other stuff because its just like hey check out this Canvas For Filth. That can also be good for stuff if you want to like be very careful about always knowing how dirty it is, if you had a bathtub the color of bathtub grime you might accidentally get all grimed up without even realizing whereas with white bathtub you're like GRIME DETECTED...ELIMINATE.

GRAY

This is white and black mixed up and its big thing is being boring and everyone hates it. People see gray stuff and they are AUTOMATICALLY FROWNING. Sometimes a gray thing can be fun especially if it's the shiny gray called silver but that always feels like a triumph over the innate boringness of gray color. Like white and black are both sort of the no-color colors but at least they're making a strong choice, with just gray it's like no color but also with a shrug. The normal gray things to see are pigeons and concrete and clouds and metal. They do not make gray food and if anybody tries to feed you any BE SUSPICIOUS. That's NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN so they are either a bold genius of making delicious food or, more likely, a really huge idiot who is about to poison you in some way.

There's other colors but they're all kinds of versions of these one. You wanna know about them you ask me or a guy at Home Depot, although last I checked they're collaborators so they might give you weird ideas about color.

Thank you for reading my big color email! If you would like to find out about something, tell me and I will try to already know about it.

Love,

Ryland Duncan